This dual volume is an exploration of the author's relationship with her trans identity as it wars with and painfully reshapes her calling as a minister and activist. Written in the backseat of police cars and the cold floors of safehouses, churches offering sanctuary, and the green hills of exile, this collection of poetry, presented here in two opposing yet complimentary parts, offers a glimpse into the fracture of the author's adversarial worlds and the path she threads to bring them home within herself. Relentless and uncompromising yet filled with moments of deep care and affection, this volume's context stands solidly within the ruins of our current collapse. Stripped fully of the illusions of civility, the poet escorts the reader on a tour of the simmering lines of division veiled by the thin veneer of daily monotony. There in the earthworks and ramparts of a barely hidden civil war, she begins to plant a garden. And with the mud still on her hands invites the reader to join the work.